Lucy and Hayley

Lucy seems to be 100 percent recovered from her eye injury and has even stopped using it to guilt us all to bow down to her supreme power. Although the other day she bumped her head on the wall and got a big goose egg and when I told her I was sorry that happened she said "You didn't do it this time. You scratched my eye, memember?" The incident may be forgiven but not forgotten. She is one hundred percent potty trained, even at night. She loves to announce this to everyone. Her aunt, her teacher, the cashier at the grocery store all have to applaud her when she announces at full volume "I am in the potty club! I pee all the times!"

Being 3 and a half is hard work!

Hayley and I are both struggling again with finding our balance. I am constantly pulling her to slow down, stop trying to grow up so fast and keep up with all of her friends and she is pulling away, determined to go her own way, even if she is unsure which way that she wants to go. She reminds me so much of myself at 13 or 14, even though she is only (almost) 10. She wants to find a way to fit in with everyone that I am afraid she will lose a sense of who she is. But every time I think I can't take one more eye roll or fresh remark from her, she does something like this

Yes, she's smarter than me, we knew this long ago.

And reminds me what I love so much about her. Her creative, sweet, and kind spirit. And I remember that this is all part of growing up and I try to pull a little less and worry a little less and listen a little more.
And I also remember that she is my oldest, which means that I have to go through all of this four more times. And then I need to take a little nap.

Coming up: What is up with these yahoos?

I waited a few days to post this story because I didn't want to read it again. I almost deleted it.  But I want to remember it so here it is. Lucy's eye is all better now and she has decided that now is the time to cash in on my guilt. She has replaced the word "Please" with the word "Now" and yesterday told Andy and I that we were not allowed to enter the kitchen when she was eating or playing or using the table. She is a diva. And I love her......
February 28:
Today was so busy and I was so rushed. We were late with 3 errands to run and a basketball game to attend that I didn't know about until the last minute. I was cranky and impatient and oh so tired.

In the parking lot after our second errand Lucy turned her head right as I reached down to pick her up and I accidentally poked her eye. If I had been moving slower and paying attention, it probably wouldn't have happened. There wasn't any big reason for my rush, it was a silly errand that easily could have waited until tomorrow.

She seemed okay until after bath, when we noticed she was closing her eye even more and it looked really irritated. I took her the the ER, hoping they would say nothing had happened and she was fine.

She has a big scratch right on her eyeball. It is painful (though it heals fast) and there is not much we can do to make her feel better. She was so freaked out by the goop they had to put in her eye that they had to hold her down to get the drops in.

It was all my fault. All I was thinking of was how much I had to do. Even though it was an accident,  I caused Lucy that pain, and if I had just been more patient, slower to get angry and rushed, it probably wouldn't have happened.

We sat on the hospital bed and read her penguin book:

"These things are big and long and deep,
and strong and high and far and steep....
and I am small.
But you are big and you are kind.
When I'm with you I do not mind."**

Lucy looks up at me

"You are big, Mommy.
And I am small."

"Yep, Lucy, you are small and I am big."

"And when I'm with you you are kind to me, Mommy."

"You are kind to me, Lucy."

"Yep, we are big and small and kind."

She didn't get stay mad at me for poking her eye. She didn't even let it ruin her day. She forgave me, she called me kind, she moved on. She was excited to have me all to herself in the ER room. They gave us our own little room and she kept saying "We is all alone, this is our room just for me and you." She just enjoyed the moment.

I have so much to learn from Lucy.


**From her book titled I Am Small (I can't find the name of the author, sorry)