Monday, October 25, 2010

My goal to update my blog at least once a week has been derailed by three factors. One, this computer stinks and I have to jiggle the power cord frequently to keep the battery charging so I cut my online time down significantly because I'm lazy. Two, the energy I had in the Summer has been replaced by my Fall mood, in which I lose steam after the sun goes down (sooner and sooner each day).  Also, I'll admit it, there is a lot of good tv on these days which fills up my evenings. In fact, I'm typing this at warp speed so I can tune into Boardwalk Empire in 6 minutes (Steve Buscemi can pull of the steamy sex scenes without totally creeping me out, who'da thunk it?)
Ace had another great week at school, I think (knock on wood) that we have turned a corner and he is adjusting really well to the long days and new rules.
Just as the dust settles from the emotional transition into Kindergarten, I am dealing with the transition from little kid to "tween" that Hayley is going through.
I refuse to accept that she is really in the tween category already but 8 is definitely a year where she is stuck in the middle.  She comes home some days exhausted and moody. Some days she comes home with an attitude I don't even recognize (like the day she got in the car and asked if we could go buy an Ipod and/or a cell phone.) I'm trying to figure out what my role in all this is. It feels as if I was just getting the hang of this parenting dance when someone came along and sped up the music.  I am constantly questioning if my expectations are too high or too low. I wonder if I am giving her enough space, if i am asking the right questions or if I am smothering her with too many questions. She comes to me and tells me about something that she needs to talk out and sometimes I don't listen well, I brush off what is important to her because I am distracted.  Sometimes I jump in and tell her what to do instead of just taking in what she wants me to hear without trying to come up with the right answer to a question she isn't really asking at all. We both get confused and easily frustrated with one another. I try not to lose my temper when she rolls her eyes at me or slams her door. I try to remind myself in those times to  take a deep breath and remember that this is all part of the the mother/daughter dance. We step forward, back, trip over our feet, and sometimes fall down in a grand fashion and have to get up and start all over.

(....still happy to be dancing with you.)


TednLisa said...

I think I know how you feel a little, but I guess Matthew is a boy so I can't know exactly how you feel. Its hard to know what to do sometimes. I will pray for a close mother daughter relationship. I have made many mistakes, but I am proud of Matthew in so many ways. I know God makes up for where we lack. I spent many a night crying thinking I had screwed him up. I have learned now that I can't change all the things that have happened, but God can use what has happened to make Matthew into the young man he is today. It took me a long time to get here, but I just wanted to share with you. I hope this made sense.

Andrea said...

Thanks Lisa! Matthew is such a great kid, I know you must be proud of him and you should be so proud of how you raised him.