Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The worst of me.

I'm not much of a morning person, I  hit the snooze button over and over again in order to grab hold of those four extra minutes of sleep. That makes our morning routine rushed, to say the least. On mornings that my only duty is getting Hayley to school on time I stay in bed until the last possible moment, directing her from my half asleep state to get dressed, find her homework, find her shoes and socks. Then I roll out of bed, fix her breakfast, throw on something halfway decent and drive her to school. Not much quality time there. That process wakes me up enough that by the time I get home I have energy and motivation to get out of the house or play with the kids here. By the time the afternoon fade kicks in Ace is off to school, Lucy is down for a nap and Julia is either tired from her morning preschool or happy to watch Yo Gabba Gabba so I have some downtime. So with the little ones our days have a good rhythm and I feel like they get the best of me, we play and laugh and there is plenty of quiet time during the day to spend with each of them, cuddling and talking and being together. Then, when Hayley comes home we kick back into high gear. We have a few hours for errands, extracurriculars, dinner, homework, baths, stories, and bedtime. In between there are sibling squabbles to settle because everyone is tired and cranky and constantly hungry. Again, not quality time. It makes me feel horrible because that is what Hayley gets from me 5 days a week, rushed morning and hectic evenings. It is hard for her to get a word in edgewise to tell me about her day, much less have my ear long enough to tell me her deep feelings. I would like to keep her up later than the littles so we can talk and have "our time" but she has the longest and most exhausting day of anyone so she is always the one the most ready for bed. I feel like she gets the worst of me.  I know the day is coming at me fast that there will be even fewer opportunities to be at my best for her, she will be doing more with her peers and less with us, busier with school work, less likely to chose an afternoon with us rather than a chance to hang out with her buddies. I want to give her my all every chance I get and instead I feel like she gets the leftovers after a long day of meeting the needs of her younger siblings. But, I'm going to keep on trying, maybe tomorrow I will do a little better. 

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