3am

At 3am Lucy's cries woke me from a dream of my past self, a time before I was a wife and a mom and had a baby who woke me regularly at 3am just to say Hi! It wasn't a particularly good dream and I woke up feeling anxious and regretful.  It seemed like all the mistakes I made had decided to pop into my subconscious  all at once and I couldn't shake the bad feeling. I wished I could go back and do so many things over. It was 3am and I thought "I did so many things wrong".

I went to Lucy and brought her back to my bed. She nursed and stuck her feet in my face to kiss them, she giggled and opened one eye when I thought she had finally fallen back to sleep. My dream and the anxious feeling it brought on started to fade away.  I turned around to try and convince her that playtime was over and she snuggled into my back and soon started snoring away. I turned back towards her and watched her sleep. I didn't want to go back in time, I wanted to stay right where I was. It was 3:30 and I thought "Well, I must have done something right."